the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
