we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
