I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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