they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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