what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
