paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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