I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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