dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
