just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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