I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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