how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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