my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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