No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
