He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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