1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
