i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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