sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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