i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
