I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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