Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
