Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
