No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
