I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
