Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
