I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
