How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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