Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
