I swear she didn't look like that last week.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
