we have officially lost it.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
