So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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