I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
