sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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