I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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