i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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