Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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