they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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