I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
