omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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