just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
