If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
