Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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