No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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