Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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