I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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