Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
