All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
