Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
