Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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