i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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