he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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