how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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