i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
