her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
